


U and I

by GLuisa88



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Gen, Human Castiel, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-05
Updated: 2013-09-05
Packaged: 2017-12-25 17:04:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/955594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GLuisa88/pseuds/GLuisa88
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the prompt: <i>Cas knocks down a girl on the street and attempts to use a cheesy pickup line he heard from Dean on her.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	U and I

  
"Okay man, if you're gonna be… human… or whatever it is you are now-"

  
"Human," Cas interjects. "Human is close enough."

  
"Right. Whatever. Like I was saying, Cas, there are some things a man's gotta know how to do."

  
Cas sighs, "Dean, there are so many things you keep telling me I need to learn… to be honest, I am growing weary."

  
Dean claps a hand on Cas' shoulder, "I am sorry man, but most humans spend their entire lives learning this shit. You've started late. You've gotta catch up."

  
Cas rolls his eyes. To date, he has found very little use for any of Dean's lessons. Nevertheless, Dean appears to derive great pleasure from this student/teacher relationship of theirs. Cas supposes it won't be cause him too much harm to humor his friend.

He sighs and nods for Dean to continue.

  
Dean grins, "So here's the deal Cas, a man has needs." He waits for Cas to pick up on his drift.

  
"Yes, Dean. So you've told me."

  
"As a human male, you will need to be able to satisfy those needs. You need to know how to pick up a girl."

  
…

  
Dean is testing him.

  
"If you can pick up that blonde chick over there on the park bench, I will let you ride shotgun for a week."

  
"Don't you think Sam should get a say in this?"

  
Dean grins and lifts his beer bottle to his mouth. He doesn't say anything, just winks.

  
Cas sighs. "My vessel is deceptive, Dean, I am actually quite ancient. I have been around long enough to be quite well-versed in the art of seduction."

  
"Theoretically, maybe." Dean concedes, "But getting out there and actually playing the field, Cas, that's a whole 'nother game. 'sides I doubt you know much about seducing females of the human variety."

  
…

  
"Oh my God, Cas, stop stalling!" Dean exclaims. "She's getting ready to leave! You're losing your shot!"

Cas presses his lips together, squares his shoulders in determination.

  
"Go get 'er tiger!" Dean grins.

  
…

  
Cas is single minded. He is focused. He walks forward, keeping her in his sight.

  
He's only a few yards away when he sees that she can sense him approaching.

  
She turns around to face him. Her eyes widen, "Can I help you?" She asks, she clutches her purse tightly to her side. She seems afraid of him. He realizes his expression is perhaps too intense.

  
He lifts the corner of his lips up in an attempt to imitate how he's seen Dean smile when trying to get a woman to come home with him.

  
Her eyes dart around, perhaps looking for an escape. Cas figures he should say something to set her mind at rest. He searches his brain as he tries to recall something that Dean would say.

  
Dean calls them "pick up lines". Cas doesn't always know what the phrases mean but they seem to work quite well for Dean. Human women seem to find these cryptic sayings quite appealing.

  
"Excuse me, I'm lost," He says. It's a lie, he isn't lost, but she seems to relax almost instantly. "Can you give me directions to your house?"

And just like that, she was upset again.

  
Humans could be so confusing!

  
"Just leave me the hell alone!" She turns around and stalks off.

  
He sighs with exasperation. "Wait!" He calls out as he starts to follow after her.

  
She starts walking faster.

  
He picks up his pace too.

  
She breaks into a run.

  
This is not going as planned. Dean always makes it look so easy. He looks across the street at Dean laughing at him. He sucks in a breath.  
He'll show Dean he can complete this mission.

  
He's faster than the girl and with a running leap, he manages to tackle her from behind. She screams and he thinks perhaps this isn't the right way to get a girl to say yes.

  
"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together" He says, slightly out of breath.

  
Somewhere in the background he can hear Dean calling his name, and then he can feel Dean's hands dragging him to his feet.

  
"Cas!" He sounds almost angry, "What the hell man?!"

  
Dean helps the woman to her feet, "He's really sorry miss, he's got… 'issues'."

  
"Please don't press charges!" He calls out as she runs off.

  
Cas looks ashamed, "That didn't go as planned."

  
Dean puts a hand on Cas' shoulder, "Looks like you're gonna need me as a wing man for quite a while longer, huh?"

  
Cas thinks it strange that Dean seems very pleased at this.

  



End file.
